I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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