btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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