I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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