Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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