My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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