"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
