This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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