You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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