i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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