East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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