sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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