Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
