I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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