I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
