i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
