My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
