Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had sex on a roof
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
