How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
