now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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