Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
