Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
