So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
