apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
