Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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