Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
