remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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