Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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