I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
