Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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