Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
