Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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