not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
