I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Boobs are out for the taking
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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