"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
