i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
sex in a hospital.. check
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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