You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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