It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
