Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want her autograph on my taint
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
