Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
