i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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