Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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