I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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