I'm really into asian looking animals
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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