.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
