I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
