I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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