your parents love me but you hate me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
