my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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