ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
