Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
