i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
