Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
