we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
