wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
