im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
