69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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