people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
found the other keg... it's in the tree
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
