hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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