So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
