East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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