Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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