community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
