lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize