you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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