ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
