OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
