Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
